


The Rhythm Of Him

by BlueNeutrino



Series: A Hunter's Heart in an Angel's Hands [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cardiophilia, Heartbeats, M/M, Purgatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-25
Updated: 2014-03-25
Packaged: 2018-01-17 00:27:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1367230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueNeutrino/pseuds/BlueNeutrino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has a fixation on Dean’s heartbeat.  In Purgatory that leads to an intense jealousy towards Benny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rhythm Of Him

**Author's Note:**

> Because there is an awful shortage of cardiophilia or heartbeat kink fic for this ship or on the internet in general. Of course I'd end up having a fetish that isn't very well catered for.

Castiel had never told Dean. He didn’t think the hunter would quite understand his fascination, may even find it weird and intrusive, but Castiel thought that Dean’s heartbeat was the most beautiful sound in the world. Oftentimes he’d caught himself trying to listen to it, ears attentively straining for the noise in the quiet moments they spent together without saying a word, sometimes watching Dean sleep just for the chance to hear the regular thumping coming from within him. Cas’ enhanced angel senses often allowed him to pick up the faint rhythm, although his human vessel wasn’t attuned to detecting the bass notes emanating from Dean’s chest at a distance.

There were only occasional times when he’d felt rather than heard the movement of Dean’s heart, and he ached for them to occur more often. Still he remembered how he’d remade Dean after Hell, carefully reknitting every tissue and every fibre back together before breathing life into him once more. Dean’s heart had fluttered back to life at his command, the thumping from the muscle echoing all the way through Cas’ grace. Its beat was steady and enduring; a reminder that Dean was alive and real, and Cas found it both reassuring and enticing as he contemplated how he was responsible for the life that now flowed through Dean’s veins.

How Dean’s heart responded to him was always a thrill. He could recall the time he'd cornered Dean in an alleyway in anger, slamming him against a wall and pressing close enough to him to feel the frantic, frightened pounding through Dean’s ribcage. Although Cas would never hurt Dean out of anything other than righteous anger, the sensation had been exhilarating.

He longed to feel it more often, wished he could confess his desires to Dean who would allow him to press his hands and ears against his chest and simply listen, not repelled by the intimacy of it. There were other things he wanted to do to Dean, ways in which he wanted to touch him and caress him and at the same time listen to the way his heart would quicken and jump at the sensations. But he doubted Dean would reciprocate, thinking it unlikely Dean would want the same things and unsure even of the nature of Dean’s feelings towards him, and so he kept silent.

Yet now, so, so much time later, they found themselves in Purgatory. Alongside a vampire, and it was all Castiel could do to hide his burning jealousy.

For months he’d been trying to keep away from Dean, ensuring the Leviathans and monsters that hunted him would not find Dean too, but now he discovered all this time Dean had been trying to find him. Cas had been denying himself the comfort of Dean’s presence, rejecting his own longing to stay close to him in order to keep him safe, but it seemed that during that time Dean had instead found comradeship in the form of a vampire. And in the months that had passed, that vampire had gained everything Cas had longed for but given up. Benny had Dean’s friendship and his trust; he’d been the one keeping him safe and watching his back, and every single moment he’d been able to do it with the sound of Dean’s heartbeat in his ears. Vampires were designed to be able to smell their prey’s blood and hear their pulse far better than an angel could, especially an angel so far from Heaven, and Cas wished so badly he could do the same.

They had currently settled down for the night, taking shelter beneath some trees near an outcrop of a rock formation in order to allow Dean to sleep, as neither Benny nor Cas needed to do so. The common interest that both the vampire and the angel shared was a desire to keep Dean safe, and both hovered protectively nearby as Dean closed his eyes and tried to get comfortable on the hard ground. Cas watched him with a sense of helpless wistfulness burning through him. He wanted to take off his coat and go drape it around Dean, keeping him warm and as he lay down next to him and then pulled him against his chest, but with Benny watching he didn’t dare reveal his desires so openly.

Instead, he felt an intense irritation that at this very moment he knew Benny could hear Dean’s heart; hear its rhythm slowing so that he knew when Dean had fallen asleep, and would know of Dean’s bad dreams if he began to hear it pounding. All Cas could do was imagine how it would feel if he lay his head on Dean’s chest to listen to the sound, but could only guess as to how hard or fast it would feel at any given moment.

When Benny began to speak to him, saying things he knew the vampire would never allow Dean to hear, he took that to mean Benny could tell Dean had drifted into unconsciousness.

“I think you’re right,” the vampire said quietly, not unkindly, but with a definite hardness to his tone. “You shouldn’t be with us. You know that, even if he doesn’t.”

Unable to deny it, Castiel swallowed solemnly. “Believe me, the only thing I want is for him to make it out of here and I don’t want to place him in any more danger. But if I leave, he isn’t going to try to get out until I agree to go with him.”

“I know he’s stubborn,” Benny continued, “But of the two of us here, you’re the only one with a chance of convincing him to let you go. It’s been bad enough tryin’ to stay alive just with him drawing every monster down here to us, but we ain’t gunna make it out with you pulling all the rest of them in as well. The only reason he’s survived ‘til now is ‘cause of you drawing the worst of them away.”

It hurt to face up to it, but he knew Benny was right, and the most important thing to Cas was keeping Dean safe. It didn’t even really matter to him if he got out of Purgatory anymore; he didn’t think he deserved it anyhow. The only reason he’d try is if that was what it took to get Dean to do the same. “I’ll try to convince him,” he promised, feeling less than optimistic about his chances of success. “But if he’s been down here all this time just because of me… I don’t think it seems likely he’s going to give up.”

The vampire was wearing a grim expression as they both gazed down at the sleeping human between them, concerned that Cas was right. “It’s never too late to try to make him see sense. If only he realised just how much attention his draws on his own, then maybe he’d understand how much worse it’s gunna get with you around.”

Silence passed between them as they both reflected somberly on the situation, having found a common ground in their concern for Dean. Benny’s final sentence almost seemed to be tempting him into it, and after a brief time, Cas’ jealous curiosity got the better of him and he couldn’t help but ask, “What does it sound like to you? His heart?”

Benny considered the answer for a moment. “Loud,” he replied succinctly. “May as well be a drum calling out to every other creature down here. Every vampire that hears it knows it means blood, every werewolf knows it means meat, and everything else knows it means _human._ This place used to be so quiet when everything down here was already dead, but a living human heart most things can hear from miles around. Even yours is quieter, although you’re still lighting up the place with everything else about you.”

Cas licked his lips, gazing down at Dean and attempting to see if he could detect a visible pulse fluttering in his carotid artery. “What about when he sleeps? Is he ever…peaceful?”

The question was tentative and hopeful, and Benny chuckled ironically. “Peaceful? Down here? No, that’ll never happen, brother.”

Cas let out a regretful sigh as he explained himself further. “I just hoped that maybe he sometimes found a way to escape all this, even if it’s just in his mind.”

Benny’s reply was sincere, able to tell that Cas truly cared about Dean. “He never really sleeps deeply, and when he does he seems to have nightmares that he never talks about. Even when he looks at ease, I’ve never heard his heart sound calm in all the time he’s been down here. When we finally found you I thought that might ease things a little, but when he saw you his heart was beating like a drum roll.”

Cas swallowed, feeling his breath hitch. “It was?”

Benny looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. “I think he forgets I can hear it, but brother, you make his heart race.”

That was news. Exciting news, and Cas couldn’t quite help but wonder what it meant as he stared down at Dean’s face. Why would Dean react that way to being around him?

His own heart had started beating a little faster, and Benny heard that too. “I don’t know exactly what kind of deal you two have got going on,” he said, “But if you care about him, then you gotta understand his best shot of getting out of here is without you.”

Cas licked his lips again, his mouth dry. “I know,” he murmured, feeling his heart convulse at the thought that maybe there was something in Dean to match his own feelings after all, and feeling a sharp stab of regret that the realisation had come just as he knew he would have to let Dean go.

Benny didn’t speak to him again, realising he needed to be left to sort out his own thoughts. The angel was staring adoringly down at Dean, barely trying to disguise his feelings anymore, and the vampire decided to give them a little privacy and went to stand watch a few metres away. With Benny politely keeping his back turned and deliberately making a point to not intrude, Cas laid himself down on the ground beside Dean.

The hunter was still sleeping, a troubled expression on his face even as he dreamed, and Cas reached out a hand to caress his face gently. “Dean…” he breathed, wanting to confess his emotions while he still could, although he knew Dean couldn’t hear it. It was best things stayed that way.

Cas had no intention of leaving Purgatory with Dean, and it wouldn’t be fair to add to the weight of guilt he knew the hunter would force himself to bear. Instead of trying to put anything into words, Cas simply leaned in to press a chaste kiss to Dean’s forehead, pouring into it all the love he’d been hiding away for years. Dean’s brow creased, and Cas wondered if he felt it somewhere in the depths of sleep. Allowing himself one final thing, Cas then lowered his head to Dean’s chest to listen to his heart for one final time. Benny had been right: it still sounded too fast and alert even in unconsciousness, and Cas hoped that once Dean had gotten out of here it would return to the steady resting rhythm Cas had given it when he first brought Dean back to life.

He pulled his head away to sit beside Dean again, keeping watch over him until the grey light that passed as dawn here finally began to creep its way through the trees. Benny came back to join them as Dean awakened, not saying a word to Cas about their conversation, and Cas tried to quash the jealousy he felt as he slowly accepted that Dean and Benny had to leave here without him. It didn’t bother him that he would have to stay in Purgatory for eternity, but there was a profound, aching pain in his chest at the thought he would never see Dean again. He tried to hold on to the memory of Dean’s heartbeat, strong and loud beneath him, that served as a reminder Dean was still living and breathing and would be safe again far away from here. And in the end, that was all that mattered.


End file.
